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basically a successful friday

 Yesterday was definitely not worth a livejournal post because literally all I did was work out, then write my entire ISF paper on the 600 page The New Spirit of Capitalism. Rawr. It was supposed to be 5-7 pages, but mine ended up being 10 pages and took me 9 hours to finish. I was terrified this morning because I had decided to take my essay draft to my ISF professor, who has been really chill in offering to give us advice on our drafts even though he's the one who is grading them. So I went and sat there awkwardly while he read it. Then he straight-up took his pen and wrote a big circled A+ on it and said he might as well just grade it right there as it is. Also he told me that I'd have to print another copy for myself because I'm not getting this one back- he wants it as a lecture supplement apparently. Score much? That may have been my biggest academic win of the year, and I was definitely happy all day because of it! :D It's one of those rare occasions where I feel less bad about bragging and reinforcing my arrogant nerd image.
I went over to Zara's place at foothill to talk about our chem poster presentation tomorrow morning... I'm still kind of nervous about that, but I trust my near-pro bullshitting skills will pull me through somehow. Zara and I talked about a bunch of politics and ethics and shit, and I somehow fell asleep in her bed for an hour. I think I heard her laughing at me being asleep, but she's chill enough that it wasn't awkward.

And I got my laundry done today! Funny to think it's the last time I'll do it in the dorms. The thing about finals is that they keep everyone so stressed that there is little room to think about endings and beginnings. But it really is the end of the year, and I'm surprised that everyone is acting like we aren't all about to say goodbye. Then again maybe there is no real goodbye because about 70% of my floor is living in the same apartment complex next year... and my three roommates and I are living in the sister property down the street. Luan sounds excited to visit, but I am quite happy to be away from everyone. All I've really got to deal with now is the fact that this past year happened, despite all of my efforts to keep it from happening. I wonder how I'll deal with the closure of going home, that I've been waiting anxiously for pretty much since Julia and I broke up. Or maybe I've been waiting since I moved in on August 21st. I'll be totally honest- there are a LOT of things I still miss about high school. Probably the biggest is that I finally gained the basic mastery of my own world senior year, and I had to give that up all too soon. Also I never thought that I would miss all the people I didn't talk to in high school, but I've found there is this basic comfort in knowing that everyone knows who you are, and you have cool things like shared history and seeing each other every day. I miss that. I have yet to find any of that in college- that weird, kind of sweetly awkward recognition of people who more or less grew up together. It seems to be all about how well you can fake yourself in different situations to get to know everyone, and make them feel like the shit and special when you're around them despite the fact that you won't hang out in the future and you really don't give a shit about them personally. Ironically, that was the topic of that ISF paper I wrote. As well as I apparently write about it, I am not down to be part of this uber-networking world just yet. I don't know if I'll be able to play by my own rules rather than everyone else's that would force me to be fake and basically unfaithful to everything. In a way that's kind of freeing though- since I never know how long I'll be able to keep going at being myself, "I'mma hit this night up like its my last"

hauling ass... sort of

 Yesterday Zara and I finished our chem 4b special project. I don't think it has fully sunk in that we're done, because I am still waiting for that sense of relief and accomplishment that comes with finishing something I've agonized over for the past few months, and worried about since college started. It's funny how something that is so life-consuming for awhile just kind of ends. Existential shit aside though, I am pretty fired up to have this poster done and to not have to spend any more 8 hour sessions in lab!!!!!!! I was actually so excited to finish the poster yesterday that I forgot to show up to lab in the morning to check out of my locker. Can you really blame me, considering the weather is so beautiful right now?

I was also surprised yesterday by how well Zara and I can get along. We've talked about stuff before, but it has mostly been in lab and with other people around. We definitely spent 10 hours finishing the chem project, and some of that was just bullshit eating and tangential conversation time. Basically I figured out that I really like her as a person, and I'll miss her once she officially leaves the chemistry track and goes to bio next year. I was surprised- she told me I was the best lab partner she had ever had and probably ever would have. I think that's kind of funny because I'm only the second one she's had, and the first one was apparently a complete frat boy douchebag of the stereotypical variety. Also it's a little weird she would say that because I definitely have been telling her what to do way too much all semester, and getting her to do a bunch of less-fun lab crap. Still, I almost got sentimental for a second.

Also I randomly facebook chatted with this girl Kate from my anthro class. Shes a graduating 5th year psych/bio double major, and shes made fun of me for being an overachiever all year, and for not being aded about it like she is (shes actually way smarter than me, its crazy). She also surprised me by saying she would miss me. Its funny, I sort of thought I had no friends. Now I just need to figure out why I have no hanging-out-friends.

I have one more essay to write before I am free to just study for finals. its on a 600-page book, but will probably end up being just a summary. Woo?

Deaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad week

 Since its dead week, STEPHY convinced me to actually write posts and use this livejournal thing for something other than reading hers. Its nice to think that my life may be interesting enough to write about regularly... even if she's the only one reading it at present haha :p.
Today was just one of those days that you forget to appreciate until sometime later when your life is sucking for awhile. In other words, I did almost nothing today. I slept on the couch in the lounge for 3 hours, ate stuff and worked on my anthro research paper. I can't emphasize enough how much this paper is my personal demon right now. I'm supposedly writing about archaeological studies of third gender people in prehistoric North and Central America. Good news: it's interesting, and there is a lot of sex. An entire section of my paper is titles "Sex". Bad news: I have 20 sources to read through and only 5 or so are actually helpful... enough to fill maybe 4 of the 12 pages. But ultimately, my bs-ing skills will prevail.
I got to see Melinda today for the first time in ever!!! She's definitely one of my favorite people here and I'm kind of sad I didn't talk to her before this semester. She's one of the most chill ra's i've met, and she has this cute slightly-inoccent but really hardcore thing going on since she's a business student who is in a sorority but doesn't really party or drink or smoke or anything. I love talking to her sometimes because she seems to scared and cynical about the real world despite the fact that she's totally ready (graduating this year, works at Yelp currently and is about to get an internship at some investment bank). Also she tried to be pre-med earlier on and learned the hard way that she wasn't so in love with that after all, so she understands how hard the mathy/science classes are and doesn't understand how humanities majors get jobs. I'm going to miss her when she graduates. I
'm really not that mature at all, but somehow wherever I've gone to school, its always been the people a couple of years older than me who seem the best. It's almost as if I should have skipped that grade or two like they asked me to in elementary school. In middle school everyone was trying to be popular, in high school everyone had their weird ego and drama shit, and now in college all the freshmen just want to party and hook up. And somehow, I've always gone into it a step ahead and tried to go backward in order to fit in. Then I realize I was better off where I started, before I went against my better judgment for social purposes, and I kind of miss the way I was before. As much as I hated middle school and some parts of high school, I kind of miss when the "cool" people were just cliquey and not all drunk, doing drugs, and/or trying too hard to be a skank or an alpha male. Don't you love how I am simultaneously way too young and too old for my age right now? I think that's a human thing, for everyone...



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